The Lies You Tell: Unconscious Scripts and How They Keep You From the Truth of Who Are

 In Learning to Listen, Living Our Best Life, Practicing Law and Life

Have you ever been lied to? I have. It makes me angry and sad. Lies destabilize what they touch and can wreak havoc in a relationship.

I discovered that I was being lied to earlier this year. In fact, it had been going on for so long it was hard to believe I hadn’t seen it sooner. Once I realized it, I felt so stupid for letting it go on so long.

Here’s how I discovered the lies and how I fixed them……

An actor’s performance is often defined by what you never see, the writers. No matter how talented an actor is, they can’t save a poorly written script.  Actors want to invest their time, energy and talent with lines that are well written and inspiring.

The same is true for each one of us.

I don’t know you about you, but I seem to have countless lines that get in the way of me living my most inspired life.  Many of these lines are in fact lies. And yet, I find myself saying them over and over again. As if they’ll sound better the next time I say them.

Things like:

This is the way it is.

I don’t have the time.

It’s too risky.

I’ll look stupid.

I just have to put up with it.

I should be happy with what I have.

It’s not that bad.

Other’s have it worse, I have nothing to complain about.

I’m not good enough at ……

Who the hell wrote this garbage? And, why do I keep repeating it?

Any moderately talented writer, producer, director or actor would take one look at the script and toss it in the trash.

Part of me wants to trace back how these lies came to be. But for me, their origins  aren’t as critical to dealing with them as is my awareness of them.

I’ve been a big fan of Eric Butterworth for the last 14 years. He’s a New Thought writer and an advocate of affirmations. He’s written many metaphysical spiritual books.

In “Spiritual Economics,” Mr. Butterworth says:

“They (affirmations) do not become true because you affirm them. You affirm them because they are true. You are synchronizing your consciousness with reality …”

After reading Kristen Neff’s book “Self Compassion” and writing the blog post, The Lawyer’s Compass Series: Self-Compassion, It Will Make You a Better Attorney earlier this year,  I woke up to the reality of the lies I was telling myself and their daily defeating effect on my life. I started working on new lines, which I call My Truths.

Here are six that I currently use:

I have an abundance of time.

I am living in the present moment.

I am enough.

I am a spiritual being.

I offer care, compassion and courage to all I meet.

I am a creative being.

These new lines anchor me to my life and who I am.

When I hear myself literally or figuratively saying, “I don’t have enough time,” “I can’t do this,” or “Just be quiet and be  happy with what you have,” I’m reminded that those lines are not reality and I repeat the corresponding line.  I say to myself “that’s not accurate,  I know I’m busy, but I have an abundance of time.”

It’s amazing the effect these new lines have had on me. I’m less anxious about time. I find more courage to do and say what’s important in my life. No matter how bad a day may have been, these affirmations are still the reality about who and what I am at the end of everyday.

If I’ve lived consistent with the reality of who I am throughout the day, it keeps me from getting lost in the day. When I’ve come home from a day where my focus is on being an efficiency machine at work, not taking breaks and effectively ignoring the core essence of who I am,  I have a harder time connecting with my wife and the rest of my non-working life.

Most days I write out my affirmations in the Note App of my iPhone.  The more I ingrain them into my subconscious, I see how they keep me consciously tapped into them and I feel their impact on my life. The next time you see me, feel free to ask about them. I’ll be happy to show you.

We all tell ourselves lies. They camouflage themselves as the truth. They hide in the recesses of our mind and come out at just the right time to keep us down.

What are some of the lies you’ve told yourself over the years?  What new lines would you write about who you are and what your is life about?

Write them in the comment section below. Seeing them written allows you to better integrate them into your life.  They can also be an inspiration to others who see them.

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  • Jennifer

    Excellent article, I think I need to explore this more.

    • Jim Dwyer

      I’m glad you like it. Thank you. The higher our awareness is in relation to how we talk to ourselves, the better off we will always be. It’s too easy to let bad self talk happen.

  • Samantha

    Thank you for yet another insightful piece, Jim. As aware as I try to be about my ingrained proclivities to negative self-talk, I still find myself surprised by how frequently I have to make a conscious effort to fight strabilious thoughts. Appreciate the reminder to not only suppress pessimistic perspectives but to focus on actively reiterating a progressive, positive state of cognizance in my personal and professional life.

  • Wendy Kaneko

    Oh yes the lies we tell ourselves! So true! Especially the ‘I’m too old’ lie:) Will be thinking about this one today… thanks Jim?

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